Categories
- Advertising (satire and humour) (4)
- Body (sad but funny) (8)
- Discoveries (comedy findings) (12)
- Family (comedy quotes) (7)
- Food (mouth humour) (6)
- Games (beyond comedy) (1)
- Internet (humour from the web) (4)
- Meetings (funny but wrong) (1)
- Sleep (the irony) (3)
- Society (bring on the sarcasm) (4)
- TV (oh the satire) (15)
Category Archives: Discoveries (comedy findings)
Call me an eco warrior
Went out on my mountain bike this morning and came across a young hedgehog in the road. I did the right thing; I stopped, carefully lifted the spiky little critter up and put it back in a tree. You’ve got to give mother nature a helping hand.
Mobile phones: the hidden dangers
I think there must be something wrong with my internet browser. I while back I visited a popular online shop and made a bizarre discovery. Whilst using the same shop to look at a new mobile phone I found that people who purchased the phone also went on to buy “Preparation H”. If these purchasing recommendations are to be believed you need a Swiss Army Knife to ensure orgasmic oral sex, and haemorrhoid cream following the purchase of a mobile phone. I knew about the chances of a brain tumor, but if you get piles from using a mobile surely you’re holding it wrong.
Give them a Nobel Prize
I was just reading a highly discerning article on the BBC news website which outlined how researchers at the University of Montana Flight Lab have discovered that birds running and flapping at the same time “may have been a key step in the evolution of flight”. I was just gobsmacked by this discovery! So perceptive and astute! How the hell did they figure that out? And the name for this earth shattering discovery? “Flap-running”. Genius.
Now when I go to bed at night and I lay my head on the pillow I can rest easy. We may not have found cures for hideous diseases, solved world famine, brought peace to warring nations, unified disparate religions or worked out a way to stop modern civilisation’s hell-bent desire for unsustainable growth and wholly devastating resource use, but at least I now know that “running” combined with “flapping” may have led to birds “flying”.
I hope I don’t steal their thunder by publishing this, but I don’t think it will be too long before the eggheads at the Flight Lab figure out the following:
- Birds aren’t afraid of heights
- Firing a chicken from a canon won’t help it to fly
- You can lead a penguin to an ice rink but you can’t make it skate
They didn’t mention this in sex education
When browsing a popular shopping website I somehow ended up looking at a book entitled “Oral Sex She’ll Never Forget: Positions and Techniques That Will Make Her Orgasm Like She Never Has Before”. I scrolled down to the bottom of the page to discover that customers who bought “Oral Sex She’ll Never Forget” also went on to purchase a “Swiss Army Knife”. Is this some sort of age-old secret I missed out on? If so, which part of the Swiss Army Knife do you use? The corkscrew? The chisel? Toothpick? I don’t have a copy of the book but I do already have a Swiss Army Knife, so maybe I should just experiment.
Bring on The Hoff
I’ve just discovered that when my cat is about to vomit up a fur ball he does the moonwalk. I’m now thinking that if I can get him to do it in time to music we might have a shot at “Britain’s Got Talent”.
Never judge a book…
I was browsing through some of my wife’s books and rather alarmingly discovered “Asian Cock”. Further inspection revealed an unfortunately positioned tear on the sleeve; it was actually a “cook” book, not her hidden stash of oriental man porn. So, the search continues…
Just not right
I’d like to offer congratulations to Edinburgh Zoo for choosing a liquid hand soap for their toilets that actually smelled of semen.
Pros: Lovely weather, sensible prices, ample parking, short queues, lots of happy animals, fun for the kids and I saw a monkey pee on another monkey.
Cons: Went to the toilet to freshen up and nearly gagged.